Why he wont commit

How in the world can a man commit to a woman these days since they have such a very big list of demands when it comes to men? Well since most women now are very picky tells the whole story unfortunately. Their list of demands include, men must have a full head of hair, be very good looking, very excellent shape, not overweight at all God forbid, has to have a very excellent high salary job, own a home, and drive a very expensive car as well.

Well that is certainly quite a list that these very pathetic women have for men now. And since most of these type of women are real golddiggers today tells the story too. After 4 years living together. You must have been through a rough time to feel this way. Loving, loyal and positive women will probably be scared away from someone who radiates negativity.

Men use the line that there ex girlfriend treated them like garbage and use there rough pasts to lure you in so that you will feel bad and wont expect to much from them. Take it from a woman who loved a narcissistic man unconditionally for 17 years and listened to one broken promise after another took him back after cheating on me more than once and now breaks up with me because he never wants to get married but still wants to be friends. LOL trying to get a woman to just commit to only one man is very impossible now, especially these days.

Most women will take you to the cleaners anyway when the divorce is final since the laws nowadays do favor women unfortunately. It is very wise today for us men to remain single since this will save us a lot of pain, misery, and keep much more extra money in our pockets as well. I have a man that I care so much about however, he has trust issues and was very hurt in the past..

He says that me and him has an understanding that he is waiting to move into and buy a new home and get his life together, so he can be in a better position to committee to me as husband and wife.

I disagree Ben. A little over a month ago, I got a random message out of the blue from someone that I kinda knew but never really hung out or talked to. We were introduced a few years ago from a mutual friend and would talk here and there when we ran into each other but nothing else. So it was a bit surprising when he messaged me. We hit it off amazingly well, even made a few plans to hang out when his off days came about.

However, when he got back to town, we never did hang out, and everything pretty much stayed the same, even the messages started to waver. I was sad about this but decided not to make a big deal out of it — we were slowly becoming friends and the last thing I wanted to do was to make him feel pressured.

Then, it happened. Should I try to reassure him or just let him be?? The truth is that if a man wont commit it is because he thinks he can do better. Everyone trys to find a reason why a man wont commit but this is the painful truth. I Know it hurts. Men go after the trashy fun women. They run away from strong loyal women. They like the chase and then they are bored. They love New and are incapable of loving long term. I was with my man for 10 years we knew each other since I was 14 now 29 we have a 7 yrs old daughter together.

Our relationship was never perfect and it was at times rocky but always made it work. After realizing that he was indeed the man I still loved and wanted to be with he pushed me away.

It was 8 months that I have been sticking around to see if there is anyway we cherish what we can still have move on with the present and future. But the more and more I read articles on line seems like he is just stringing me along and using me. How much to me do you give someone? He makes me feel guilty if I move on. He even sabotage something that had going on someone who was good for my mind and health.

I want a relationship of course to be a family again. Cheaters are always cheaters people can change. Real love never dies. Please help! Actually, the fact that you betrayed someone who trusted you means that you have forfeitef the right yo complain. People never change, and at the end of the day a murderer is a murderer and a cheater is a cheater.

It will really help you. Been hanging out with a guy for almost 6 months. We have a great friendship and have had sex, but not every time we hang out. He told. Not just a friend. He found out I was talking to a male friend and made a comment in a jealous tone of voice about staying up all night to talk to all of my internet boyfriends. When we are intimate, he is very passionate and gentle and tender. Just the way he kisses me…or reaches to hold my hand and interlock our fingers during sex….

Why do you want to cuddle!? I told you I hate cuddling! Mixed signals! Then broke up 6 months later. I just wish I knew what he really felt about me and if I should wait a bit longer to see what happens. I smiled, said I understood, and that I would love to see him but to expect me to be seeing other men. And I followed through. I met some great guys who made me feel special and wanted.

I got him off my mind, spent time with him but also was busy many times when he wanted to see ME. I was unavailable for last minute get togethers. Txt messages were not returned for hours. Suddenly……he changed his mind. He wanted an exclusive relationship. Same story. I just want to love him and be that woman for him but he is so guarded and wants his life style of other woman. So hard. Grand blanc I have been with a man who always has an excuse for his failure to commit — usually having to do with his children, who are now all over We will never marry, never be engaged, never live together.

It felt so good to say it. I know if I fell for his schtick again he would fall right back into the same routine again. You know a guy had to write it. Tell him that you love being around him, but you want something different. Otherwise, end contact. End of story. The person who wrote this article would have you waste precious time with a guy who may have you dangling for who knows how long.

I knew a guy wrote this! Take the initiative and Move on. Most women want a wedding ring but all women want alimony. Bingo; always amazing how this issue is never addressed. I believe women define commitment as a man marrying them and then they have the ability to take all his stuff. If that is commitment you can keep it. I have no kids, he loves spending time with me, and we been hanging out more.. What title would that be? I want him to want to be with me. Ladies…are you serious?

Take it slow, yes. But wait around? The longer it goes on beyond that, the chances he proposes goes down. After 2 years, get out. Just LOL. Keep searching for your alimony provider, I hope it never happens. I am a woman and I have same problem with committing.

I like to take my time to know the person and I wait till everything unfold naturally. Men who have bad experience need more time to know what they are getting responsible for. So I think, threatening or being needy to solve the problem, make it worst!

U are wasting ur time if he can not commit. U are being fool. Get a good man and get committed.. Pick yourself up and go out and find a man that can commit. I am an older lady who has been with a man for 4 years. He treated my house as his own….. Stop waiting for any man to determine what he wants in a relationship. Figure out what you want and set some limits. You do not want to be with a man for years of your life waiting for him to decide to make a commitment to you.

Determine what your time frame is to spend on a relationship that is not going anywhere but as a girlfriend. Do you have years of your life to give to every many you date? Think about what you want and stop giving away your power for your future to a man to decide. He got into a relationship with another girl one month later.

A guy that my Friend used to like a lot told her that he was not ready for a serious relationship with anyone yet because of commitment phobia. Any guy who makes—or at least tries to make—his lady feel that way is showing indications that he's not interested in making a long-term commitment.

And he wants you to feel guilty for trying to change his mind. People tend to talk about things that they actually are interested in doing.

Think about it. When your man wants to check out a new live venue, doesn't he say it? How about a restaurant on the other side of town or even a city that he wants to visit on y'all's next vacation? OK, now think about the state of your relationship with him. If you never asked, would he ever mention it? I have a male friend who's been married for a couple of decades now.

He was really young when he got married, but he said that when he saw his now-wife for the first time, even though he didn't think he was ready for marriage, what he was also sure of was that he couldn't let her get away. So, he didn't. And he made sure that he let her know, very early on, that he had every intention in the world to make her his wife. I'm not saying that if you've been seeing a guy for several months now and the words "exclusive" or "marriage" hasn't come up that they never will.

What I am advising is you not mention them for a couple of months and see what happens. If the answer is absolutely nothing, well…yeah. You feel me? Living in the moment. If a lot of us women were really real with ourselves, we'd admit that we could do better in this area. Sometimes, we're so caught up in—if not full-on obsessed over—what's coming next that we don't enjoy what's happening now.

But it's one thing for your man to be relishing in the moments of just being with you as he should. It's another for months or even years to go by and he doesn't seem to show any desire to do anything more than what the two of you currently are doing. How does this happen? Sometimes, we're waiting for him to bring up what's next even though he's not in the relationship by himself, so it's perfectly fine—encouraged even—to speak up.

I don't know about you, but there's not one man in my life who has a problem with speaking their mind when it comes to getting what they want. So, why we want to make excuses or exceptions for them when it comes to us, that's unfortunate. You deserve to have what you want. If you want more and he's fine with the way things are and—get this—he doesn't speak on not being fine for the foreseeable future, rather than looking for signs of whether he's going to commit to you or not, maybe you should look for ways to detach from him.

Then maybe, just maybe, you'll be the kind of woman who dated a guy for a while, ended it and then met and married the love of your life shortly after. How did it flip? Because, unlike the guy that you're currently with, " future dude" actually wanted and was ready for a commitment and dated you with that life plan in mind. Funny how that works wink. Shellie R. Warren is a lover of quotes, lip gloss , graphic t-shirts, silver jewelry and Pumas.

She's an author with two published books thus far on matters of the heart. In fact, was the year anniversary of her first release ' Inside of Me: Lessons of Lust, Love and Redemption ' she's seriously mulling over penning a sequel to it and marked her year anniversary of being a mostly full-time writer.

Aside from that, when Shellie's not tellin' all her business, she's helping couples marriage life coach or assisting with birthing babies doula.

Her byline is all over cyberspace, but where you won't find her is on social media. Like anywhere. At all. If you need to hit her up, she's usually reachable at missnosipho at gmail. Much appreciated. Paula Patton is a woman of mixed-race heritage.

Her mother is white and her father is Black, however, she doesn't consider herself to be biracial. Back in , the actress spoke with Women's Health and revealed that she was often judged because of her racial background. She went on to say that she even disliked the term "biracial. People aren't calling Barack Obama biracial. Most people think there's a Black president. When speaking with Clay, the year-old actress doubled down on her previous comments and further explained why she saw herself as a Black woman versus a biracial woman.

She continued, "So I've always found that to be an offensive term. I'm Black, and I embrace — you know, that's my family. Historically, a person was considered Black if they have one-eighth or more drop of blood from a Black person, but over time, conversations about whether or not a biracial person is considered Black has been a hot topic especially since there has been an increase in the number of multiracial people in America and in the world.

Many have argued that they should be allowed to label themselves however they see fit. And while there are many people of mixed race who identify as Black, there are others who identify as biracial such as Meghan Markle, Mariah Carey, and Rashida Jones. Whenever I have clients who are engaged , something that I make sure to say to them, almost every session, is it's important to understand that oftentimes, what causes the end of a marital union isn't anything "big".

Nah, it's more about the little irritants that, after a few years of them happening over and over again, it starts to drive one or both partners so completely up the wall that they would rather be alone than have to continue to endure what is basically the equivalent of listening to fingernails on the chalkboard. And what does this have to do with the title of today's post? Well, a "chalkboard issue" can actually be if you are a morning person while your partner is a night owl.

It can affect sleeping patterns. It can affect pillow talk i. It can affect your sex life. So yeah, if you're contemplating sharing your bedroom , every day with someone, for years to come, definitely discuss who gets up at 5 a. Speaking of morning people, if you've ever wondered just what causes someone to be all bright-eyed and bushy tailed before the sun even thinks about rising or if you're someone who would like to become more of a morning person, I thought you would find some of this intel interesting.

Because, apparently, morning people don't "just happen". It goes so much deeper than that. OK, so before we get into what the personality traits of a morning person appear to be, let's first touch on what chronotypes are.

As far as chronotypes go, they basically break down into four different categories that have the names of animals:. In order to learn more about chronotypes and what they entail, the blog Casper has a great read on it here also, if you want to take a quiz to find out what type you are, click here. The reason why it can be a good idea to get to know that your personal chronotype is, is because it can give you greater insight into why your days naturally go the way that they do.

It can also help you to better understand what kind of "tweaking" you would need to implement if you happen to want to be more productive during your early morning hours even if it's just temporarily. OK, so now that you get why you may naturally or naturally not be a morning type of person, let's explore what the personality of a morning person is like. Aight, so with that ah-ha moment for some being out of the way, what are the traits of a morning kind of individual?

I mean, really — what is it about a person who can jump out of bed singing, having a burst of energy and being so optimistic before the day even officially begins that roosters are even giving them a perpetual side-eye? When I thought about this from the angle of some of the married clients that I work with, I can definitely cosign on this. One couple, in particular, that I've worked with before, the husband is an engineer and the wife is in the entertainment industry.

He is definitely an early morning person while she is a night owl and when I think about how they approach life, he is so Type A conscientious and self-disciplined that it can almost be suffocating.

Meanwhile, for example, he's not even a good flyer he's pretty close to being afraid to fly while his wife travels for a living and doesn't give it much of a second thought open-minded, thrill-seeking. If it wasn't for him being so over-the-top with his disciplined lifestyle especially financially , I'm pretty sure she'd be close to flat broke; meanwhile, if it wasn't for her "hey, let's try it" outlook on life, he would be boring — and limited — as hell.

Bottom line, there is nothing wrong with being a morning person — or not being one. There are benefits and advantages to both. Now what I will say about morning people is it's a lot easier to get a lot more done when you're up in the wee hours of the day and knocking out a lot of what needs to be done.

Not only that but a lot of the morning folks who I personally know tend to be less stressed because they oftentimes get so much done before noon. That's why, even if you're not a morning person, I am in full support of you at least considering getting up earlier, a couple of days a week, in order to make the most of your time.

And just how do you do that? Again, there's nothing wrong with not being a morning person. Still, if there is a part of you that knows you would be better off being more conscientious and self-disciplined so that you can get more out of your own morning time, here are some ways to make that happen.

Not fair, but it happens. Follow your gut with this one. Sure, he might enjoy the closeness and the sex, but his priorities are his friends, hobbies, and work. Yes, money is a huge factor in any relationship. However, it can halt a man from committing to a woman.

He may also be concerned about the divorce factor. If you really want him to commit, you need to reassure him you can stand on your own two feet. Show him you will contribute and that should resolve this issue for him. Seeing is believing. Let him know you are willing to sign a pre-nup if necessary. Many men are truly addicted to the idea of falling in love. They truly believe that. These men love to flirt; they enjoy getting to know new women.

Think of it more like a hobby. Make certain you check out whether your partner has a history of being a romance junkie. Give him a little time to figure it out, but if you sense he is feeling pressured, ask him how he feels. With any true union comes lots of responsibility. It makes sense some men might not be ready for the responsibility.

Sure, he may love spending time with you, but he might not be ready to hold the throw-up bucket for you. This reason is totally understandable. Truth be told, some men are only in it for the sex. Many guys think, if they are getting what they need, why should they commit any deeper? This pill is tough to swallow. Perhaps they just like your company.

This is where you need to take control. This is the man that typically jumps from girl to girl but never ties the knot. He normally makes you believe he is ready to commit to you fully but never does. I kid you not; there are guys that jump the gun. This should raise a red flag of insecurity because true meaningful love takes time to create a spark and then lots of time to figure each other out before staying love manifests.

Normally, this guy helps you by letting you know up front he has commitment issues but not always. So, you need to keep your eyes and ears wide open. The sad part is this kind of man is just wasting the time you could be spending hooking up with the man you deserve, the one who wants you and only you for the rest of his life.

Talk about a slider. This man never answers you honestly. When a guy is always breaking your dates or always seems to have to head to work for an important meeting when you had plans, you need to shake your head and ask yourself why.

If you find that this guy is ok with making you priority 3 or 4 on his list, you need to kick him to the curb and move on.

Of course, it feels awesome to get a special gift from a man. That just shows you are on his mind. This guy is looking to add you to his stats of the women he has laid in his life. Tell him to take a hike.

When a man compares you to his ex, it is obvious he is not over her. The last thing you need is to let your heart go freely to a man and get smacked in the face when his ex comes back into the picture. Most of them certainly have mom issues. This makes him determined to control everything, including you! Nobody should allow anyone to tell them what to do all the time. Understand, this type of man can never be pleased, and no matter what you do, it will never be good enough for him.

This one is pretty straightforward. The sooner the better. Here are a few pointers to help you make that special man want to make you his one and only:. Make a point of having fun whenever the two of you hook up. Set up fun and easygoing dates, so he wants to hang out with you more. The more time you spend getting to know each other in a stress-free zone, the better. Just means you are making him think about you more and want more of the connection you are creating together.

This one might be a little confusing at first, so hear me out. Time apart can do wonderful things! Talk about a total backfire! Play it cool and make him come to you. Never show him you are needy and clingy.